he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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