I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
