Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
