Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize