You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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