Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just found puke in my bra..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
