i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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