oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
