I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize