Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My ATM looks so different sober.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
