maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
