I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
