i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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