so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
