Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
