You just made me feel so damn special
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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