All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
