My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
