nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
