I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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