yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
