just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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