The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
