He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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