if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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