no, he came in my armpit
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
jump out the window naked night went bad
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
