Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
