I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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