The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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