at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
