Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So. Much. Porn.
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