Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
