I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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