come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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