$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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