fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i drank out of a bidet.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
