I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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