if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
