I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
