I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
