I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
