I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize