he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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