There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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