I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
