He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
