Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
