That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
