similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize