True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
