Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
