ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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