we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
