He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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