The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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