I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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