Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
