we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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