Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
