we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
