my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
