i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize