Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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