I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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