I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
