I faked an abortion last night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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