Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
