beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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